30 Days of D/s – What Does Dominance Mean to You?

black and white picture of a man tying his boots, focused on the boots

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you?What traits will a Dominant have?How should a Dominant behave?

dominance || noun || power and influence over othersdominant || adjective || most important, powerful, or influential

My idea of dominance – and thus my idea of a Dominant – has evolved and changed many times over the years. At one point, I was more focused on feeling domineered, the arrogant, cocky sort of dominance that’s hot in fantasy but impractical (and rude and tiring and awful) in day to day life. I want my dominant to also be my partner in life and not just a cocky asshole that bullies me (although…for a scene or two…).

For me, dominance in a relationship is safety and security. A dominant is a partner who is both my equal and the leader of the relationship. They are conscious of both of our needs and wants and strive to fulfill them as negotiated in our relationship. A good dominant for me will be flexible and understanding, able to take things in stride. This is deeply important to me due to my fluctuating health and other factors. What service looks like may need to change depending on my physical/mental limitations that day and a dominant that is able to roll with that instead of fixating on how things are now “wrong”.

To be dominated, to feel dominated is to entrust another person with my safety and well being. I trust that this person is going to make decisions for me that are not just beneficial for my life but for our relationship. Dominance is leadership and risk-taking, being willing to make mistakes, move forward, listen to feedback.

I wrote out just some traits that I associate with good dominants but, frankly, they’re also traits of good partners in my eyes.

  • kind (not the same as nice!)
  • understanding
  • patient
  • flexible
  • honest
  • ambitious
  • authoritative
  • confident
  • resourceful
  • playful
  • open-minded
  • receptive
  • curious

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