30 Days of D/s – What Does Dominance Mean to You?

black and white picture of a man tying his boots, focused on the boots

What does dominance in a relationship mean to you? What traits will a Dominant have?How should a Dominant behave?

dominance || noun || power and influence over othersdominant || adjective || most important, powerful, or influential

My idea of dominance – and thus my idea of a Dominant – has evolved and changed many times over the years. At one point, I was more focused on feeling domineered, the arrogant, cocky sort of dominance that’s hot in fantasy but impractical (and rude and tiring and awful) in day-to-day life. I want my dominant to also be my life partner and not just a cocky asshole that bullies me (although…for a scene or two…).

For me, dominance in a relationship is safety and security. A dominant is a partner who is both my equal and the leader of the relationship. They are conscious of both our needs and wants and strive to fulfill them as negotiated in our relationship. A good dominant for me will be flexible and understanding, able to take things in stride. This is deeply important to me due to my fluctuating health and other factors. What service looks like may need to change depending on my physical/mental limitations that day and a dominant that can roll with that instead of fixating on how things are now “wrong”.

To be dominated, to feel dominated is to entrust another person with my safety and well-being. I trust that this person is going to make decisions for me that are not just beneficial for my life but for our relationship. Dominance is leadership and risk-taking, being willing to make mistakes, move forward, and listen to feedback.

I wrote out just some traits that I associate with good dominants but, frankly, they’re also traits of good partners in my eyes.

  • kind (not the same as nice!)
  • understanding
  • patient
  • flexible
  • honest
  • ambitious
  • authoritative
  • confident
  • resourceful
  • playful
  • open-minded
  • receptive
  • curious

Read the rest of my 30 Days of D/s posts here

1 Comment

  1. […] like I said in my dominance post, the ideas I hold about submission, obedience, slavehood, etc, have changed and evolved over the […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *