Consent is talking and learning and being brave and willing to say no even when you worry about consequences. It’s being okay with saying yes with caveats and being with someone who will immediately stop at your no more. Consent is a little more nuanced than a yes or a no, especially since our relationship operates closer to a consensual non-consent style than not. We have conversations about things we like, things we’re interested in, why we do or don’t like things.
I have consented to this kind of relationship because I enjoy it. I don’t really have a safeword but I do have a Daddy that cares deeply about me and puts in the work to know me, and himself, that if he starts up a scene or drags me off somewhere to fuck, he’s already weighed all the pros and cons and is willing to handle the consequences. I find it hot being used and not negotiating every detail and he loves being in control.
There are things that I really really want to do but verbally saying yes is difficult so I rely on him to push me and read me as we do something new. Maybe it’s risky or dangerous to not have crystal clear consent for everything I do but I play like this because I know that my anxiety will overwhelm me and I will say no even when I want to say yes. I take on those risks of imperfect consent with people who understand my reasoning behind it and trust me. Having an anxiety disorder means that my consent does not always look enthusiastic. I know the phrase “enthusiastic and informed consent” has gotten really popular and while I support it in a lot of situations, there are times I’ve consented to things reluctantly or with fear or anxiety.
And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with consenting to things that I’m apprehensive about.
If I don’t, will I ever move out of my comfort zone?