30 Days of D/s – Not Everyone Will Go To Subspace

Subspace is a very special thing for me. I’ve been lucky to have achieved subspace in many of my play sessions but I’m careful to never make it the goal of a scene. The trance-like state is warm and wonderful for me to float in and hard to leave when a scene is over. Some things send me to space straight away, like having my hair pulled, but other factors have to be all lined up too. Pulling my hair in the middle of WalMart probably isn’t going to put me into space unlike at a dungeon party. Other activities, like pressure points, seem to be 50/50 as to whether it’ll put me into a good headspace or just annoy me.

I think subspace can be pretty misunderstood by folks and ends up being something like marks and bruises: a goal to reach rather than an experience to have. I very much see space as something that happens as a side note and not a thing to check off of a list to mark a scene as “successful”. It’s okay if you don’t reach subspace. It’s okay if you don’t reach topspace (yes, tops have a space of their own!). A scene can still be wonderful and fun and hot without space being achieved. It happens.

Don’t focus on subspace as the ultimate goal when going into a scene. Focus on enjoy sensations and emotions. On the connection between you and your play partner. Eventually, maybe, you’ll begin to experience space on your own terms. Being able to relax is a key part of achieving space, in my experience, and being able to do that during a scene can be really hard. It takes time to build that trust up between you and a play partner, never mind the venue you’re playing in.

Give yourself grace and room to breathe if you’re not experiencing space. Nothing is wrong with you or how you play. It’s just a body response.

And if you do experience space, enjoy it and reap its rewards.

Read the rest of my 30 Days of D/s posts here

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