Summer’s End

End of Summer - A picture of yellow and red fall oak leaves

Yesterday was the first official day of Fall which is both my favorite season and my Birthday Season. I love summer, don’t get me wrong, but I am not a person that flourishes in the heat and retreats to darkness and air conditioning instead. The new season has me thinking about the last year though and figuring out where I’m going from here.

We’re three weeks out from Dark Odyssey Summer Camp. This was my first one ever, Daddy’s second, and it was such a different BDSM event from anything I’ve gone to before. I’ve mainly gone to Leather based events – contests, regional conferences – so I already knew going into it that it wouldn’t have that kind of flavor.

Being able to just lay around and read a book (I devoured most of Vi Johnson’s To Love, To Serve, To Obey in those four days), was refreshing. I always feel so guilty doing that at home now even though I love reading. It didn’t really sink that I was carrying the same attitude of “be productive all the time” that I struggle with at home to camp until day two of camping when Daddy said something and made me realize that I don’t have to go to a class during every single block.

It’s something I’m still working on. I definitely feel some guilt with my lack of work on this blog but school, life, my health, they all come before this and, in the last little while, there’s been a lot of that. Even today, as I’m writing this post just for the sake of getting back into writing and not doing housework or yard-work or schoolwork or anything else that ends in -work, I feel a little guilty for doing something for myself.

I’m trying to satisfy some of that urge to work/be productive with hobbies or other soothing things. My BDSM dedicated bullet journal has been immensely helpful with that so far. I’m working on sharing more of that process!

It is a page out of my BDSM bujo. At the top is Cigar Service. Underneath is a description of cigar service followed by text about cigar anatomy.

It’s been fun putting my working knowledge down in words and trying to figure out how to convey concepts to others. I’m hoping to do a bootblack & leather care spread soon.

Right after camp was the hurricane which was stressful. Then drop from both events. Mostly I’ve just been tired this whole month of September but I’m picking myself up and getting back into routines. Our weekly meal planning and chore assignments, keeping up with my homework, sleeping regularly (lol). It’s just really comforting that after weeks of chaos and (my own) emotional nonsense that our dynamic is still there and as strong as ever. I can lean into it and on Daddy when I need to and it’s good. That’s the point. We’re good.

Maybe that’s mostly what I’ve internalized this summer. That my dynamic is good no matter how I’m feeling internally. That pursuit of my own happiness is pursuit of his happiness because we are in this together, no matter what that looks like. That I do things because I serve him, even if it looks like I’m serving me. It’s hard to maintain that attitude sometimes but pausing to look at the last few months, the summer brought me more peace than I expected in the moment.

What’re you going to be up to, Fall?

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: