Well, April was….something. I hope everyone is staying safe and finding ways to stay comfortable and content during these bizarre times. I’m finally getting my feet back under me and looking forward to some things in May. My university’s spring break is this week and I’m enjoying it with plenty of Animal Crossing and time in the sun.
Here’s this month’s edition of Good Reads:
This month brought some issues to a head in the sex blogging community and I have to thank Mx Nillin and Quinn Rhodes for bringing all of it into the light. Transphobia has been a known problem with several prominent sex bloggers but things took an ugly turn these last few weeks. If you’ve been on Twitter at all this month, you’ve almost definitely seen something related to it – especially if you follow me.
Mx Nillin writes an excellent post here about Rebel Notes’ Smut Marathon, the transphobia within the sex community, and everyone involved and everything they run.
This post is a tough read if you’re trans or queer or LGBT+ but I encourage you to do so when you can. Be aware of these people, their actions, and decide what you need to do for yourself.
If you’re not trans or queer or LGBT+, this might be a hard read too but I believe it’s a necessary one. We often want to paint transphobic people as “people over there”, a problem that isn’t yours, but it’s here. It’s here in our community and if you are supporting these people, you are in the wrong.
On Queer Street – I do not have to be nice to people who misgender me
Quinn’s post goes beyond the transphobia in the community and dives straight into one of the ugliest things transphobes try to go after trans people with: being nice. People don’t need to be nice when you’ve been an asshole! Quinn covers all of this excellently and I absolutely recommend you read hir post right after reading Mx Nillin’s.
Violet Fawkes – Scorched Earth
Violet has written a scathing post about the transphobia in the community. I quoted from this blog post on my Twitter and I’m going to do so again and let it speak for itself:
I’m seeing a lot of “Well two wrongs don’t make a right.” I agree. The issue with that argument is that there’s nothing wrong about pushing back against abusers, there’s nothing wrong with taking your legitimate anger at being dehumanized and running it all the way up the proverbial flag pole. Trans folks should be screaming this from the rooftops, not because it’s their responsibility to educate and correct, but because they are human beings that deserve the same respect and consideration as anyone else. And we should be helping them.
Kayla Lords – These Moments are Always Bigger Than We Think They Are
I’ve admired Kayla for a long while from a business person’s point of view and seeing her write this post has reinforced that. Kayla is a “white, cis, mostly heterosexual woman”, as she writes, and has written an excellent blog post about moving from a person who avoids “drama” to someone who stands up for what is write.
If you’re a person who isn’t sure what you “should be” doing, hate conflict, etc, check out Kayla’s post.
My Pronouns – A Resource on Personal Pronouns
Bouncing off of the transphobia posts, I wanted to share this great website resource about personal pronouns. If you’re learning about trans folk, if you’re learning about pronouns, take a minute to check out this site. There’s also some articles on how to correct yourself if you misgender someone else and how to use gender-inclusive language.
Violet Fawkes – Person > Partner > Role
Sometimes you come across a writing and wonder how this person has crawled inside of your heart and written things you’ve been too afraid to write. Violet’s emotional arc through her romantic relationships and sliding into kink is deeply familiar. But as she writes about her current dynamic, this too is familiar and exactly what I wish people could understand more quickly about power exchange. These relationships are special and important in so many ways and should empower both people involved.
Dildo or Dildon’t – Animal Crossing New Horizons BDSM Guide
Animal Crossing is everywhere and for good reason! It’s a delightful game – Daddy and I have played it every single day since it came out. Carly has written a hilarious, fabulous post about incorporating BDSM into your Animal Crossing play.
The Wench Works – The Bored Submissive: 10 Ways to Rekindle Submissive Practice
The Wench Works is a blog that I love and their recent posts have just reinforced that. Korppi has written a great post, perhaps touching on vulnerable, about things we can do as submissives to become engaged again. Submission is something we actively do, not just feel or are, and I appreciated Korppi’s suggestions.
The Wench Works – Self-Initiated Submission: Serving a Dominant Without Direction
Korppi has written another fabulous post about active submission. I shared this one in Daddy and I’s power exchange group because I like it that much. Her suggestions are interesting, doable, and come from a heart of service. Like the prior post, there isn’t a criticism of a submissive (or dominant) who needs to take things into their own hands, but encouragement and thoughtfulness about why this can, and maybe should, happen in a dynamic.
James Clear – Warren Buffett’s “2 List” Strategy: How to Maximize Your Focus and Master Your Priorities
I’m obsessed with productivity and priority related anything. Videos, podcasts, blogs, articles, etc. I was cleaning through my Pocket bookmarks this month and ran back across this article. While the method is ruthless, I think Buffet’s method of choosing your priorities is a solid one. I know I have lots of friends and readers who are productivity driven focused people and wanted to share this one.
Blair Braverman – How Can We Stop Feeling Useless Right Now?
I believe I’ve mentioned Blair’s Tough Love column before and I want to share this week’s column. Quarantine has changed a lot of people’s lives rapidly and dramatically. As Blair writes, “feeling useful and being useful are two different things” and I think that’s a hard thing for people to really absorb. Staying home is being useful even if it doesn’t feel that way. And that’s okay.
Queer Courtesan – Language Changes All the Time and You Need to Keep Up
I also don’t like including my own posts but I need to this month. I wrote this in response to the transphobia in the sex blogging community, but it really extends beyond that too. As a writer, I love language. I think it’s important and useful. A common argument from transphobes can be “that word doesn’t mean that” or “that word isn’t real” – as if they were authorities on how language works.
It’s another long one but it’s been wonderfully popular and I’m glad that so many of my fellow peers and friends have read it.
What have you read this month that has stuck with you? Share in the comments below!