I hope everyone had a wonderful, healing, justice filled June. A lot of hard things came up this month but I am grateful for the community I have and the support system that I can turn to in times like these. There is more work to be done, as always, but I hope you found a moment of rest this month amidst everything else.
This month’s Good Reads is longer than usual because (1) there was just that much good writing this month and (2) I want to take the time to really highlight a lot of voices this month. Everything about Pride and BLM is about lifting up other’s voices and I have the space to do so.
I’ve pulled out some of my favorite articles that were published this month as part of this wonderful meme but I absolutely encourage you to take a look and read some of the many other wonderful posts that were shared. And a big thanks to Mx Nillin for creating and hosting this meme this month. I think many of us needed this during a time of community strife. It’s always wonderful to see the queer community come together and this is just another shining example.
Sarah’s coming out post was familiar and a strange reflection of some of the ways that I’ve struggled with my own gender. So when they wrote and shared this post, I knew it was going to be even more familiar and perhaps difficult. It is hard untangling sex, gender, and gender presentation. It is hard to not automatically gender a person and assume pronouns about someone. But it’s work worth doing and work you’re capable of.
Figuring out sexuality can be so much more complicated than “am I gay or straight or bi or pan or queer?”. As Kelvin writes, sometimes sexuality is a big ??? and isn’t tidy or neat and that’s okay.
While this was published in 2017, it seemed even more relevant this year with the pandemic and the need for Pride events to move to digital platforms. Pride has always been a space for queers to come together to be ourselves without fear or watering ourselves down but if we end up presenting Pride in a way that makes it “safe” for heterosexual audiences, provide them an opportunity to be voyeurs, aren’t we doing ourselves a disservice?
One of the few things I’ve honestly enjoyed about quarantine has been all of the events that have converted to online spaces. Conventions that I couldn’t afford became accessible. Classes normally held on the other side of the country could be watched in my living room. Pride events were no exception. Accessibility is a problem for every event you’ve ever attended, whether or not you realized it. I hope that lessons from this quarantine about accessibility are carried into the future. If we want to welcome everyone, we need to learn what that can and should look like.
There’s a level of vulnerability in Molly’s post that I really appreciate. Many people have a fixed idea of what BDSM and kink looks like and it’s incredibly important to recognize that doing things the way that make sense for your relationship is far more important and valuable than meeting somebody else’s standard.
When your brain is prone to being a big old bundle of anxiety and worry, it’s easy to slip into negative thinking. It’s a lot of practice for me to not do that and Quinn’s post is a reminder of that. Seeking aftercare is a positive thing and should happen whenever you need it, not just after something kinky.
I shared this article on Twitter this month when sharing Sarah’s article about not wanting to be seen as a woman. When I first began my gender journey years ago, coming across the idea of femme was delightful but confusing. If I found femme comforting, wasn’t I, an AFAB person, just actually a ciswoman? A queer ciswoman, yes, but a woman all the same? It’s taken a lot for me to unpack it all but this essay is a comfort to turn to over the years and helps explain a concept that can be frustrating to put into words.
Kink and race is a complicated intersection that I am only beginning to understand. I ran across this essay and appreciated Feminista Jones’ honesty about the complicated relationship she has as a Black woman to the words master and slave, to BDSM itself.
- Check out the Smutathon who will be fundraising for Endometriosis UK in September via a 12-hour writing challenge!
- Smutathon Twitter – Smutathon Website
- AyanatheOracle has a Twitter thread of Black-owned BDSM shops
- EroticAural has cultivated a list of “Black-owned lingerie shops, adult toy shops, sex educators, advocates, and sex workers”
- Black Lives Matter Carrd
- Black History Month Library Google Drive
- Google Document containing bail funds, memorial funds, political education resources, etc, etc
As always, drop links for your favorite articles, blog posts, videos, podcasts, or anything else in the comments! I’m always looking for great content and creators.