CW: This post touches on family death, grief, and other similar topics.
A few weeks ago I put QC on hiatus halfway through a visit with my family. My step-father had been in the hospital for a few days and I came to be moral support mostly. We believed he would come home by the end of the week and treatment would continue. Then we received the news he would be coming home to die. In the space of 24 hours, we had gone from things would be okay to we may be lucky to get a few minutes with him. It was horrible, most of all for my mother.
It’s been a strange, difficult, exhausting couple of weeks since then. His illness wasn’t a shock but his passing was faster than anyone anticipated. There are some behind-the-scenes things my mom is still dealing with that had made some of this worse. The number of external factors that aggravate the situation but can’t be controlled or avoided is frustrating. I wish I could do more for her.
And it has surprised me how much I’ve been fucked up by his death. I wasn’t close to my stepdad simply because I lived out of state their whole marriage. I grew up without a dad so I didn’t quite expect my stepdad’s passing to be so hard. I’ve been exhausted, brain-foggy, uninterested in eating, etc. Daddy has been supportive and kind even though his own life is stressful at the moment. I’m grateful for him whether it’s in our own home or he’s visiting my family with me.
Anyways, I’m writing this mostly because I need to. I don’t know when QC will be back to a regular schedule or when some of the projects I have been working on will be launched. I’m off and on Twitter, mostly queuing things. I’m still going back and forth between home and my family to help out with everything. It may be October before I really return. One day at a time.
