Fallow Periods in Kink

Part of choosing the word artist for my word of the year was my deliberate choice to reconnect with my artsy side. It’s a side that has been dormant for ages now. You could call it being blocked, uninspired, whatever. I try to look at it as a fallow period. There are just times in our lives where creating doesn’t happen. It’s normal.

I’ve been thinking about this in regards to dynamics and kink. My dynamic is built on the dynamic first, friendship and romance second. The dynamic is what we both prioritize in our lives and conversations about our dynamic still occur within the dynamic. There are many people who choose to take the collar off or step outside roles for those conversations but it doesn’t work for us.

The last few years have been challenging for us as both individuals and a couple. The pandemic wears on us both. We’ve moved states, Daddy has changed jobs, and our dynamic has slowed down in some ways as a result. Formalities slip and expectations begin to feel routine.

Vanilla creep we call it. Vanilla every day life tips the scales and becomes the pushes its way to the forefront of our minds constantly. It’s hard to recognize and hard to get out of, even when you want to, even when you don’t want to be there. Many long-term couples I’ve spoken to over the years have gone through something similar.

The roots of our dynamic are still strong and solid – I don’t doubt that for a moment. But we both recognize the prominence of the dynamic has shifted due to life circumstances. It’s still a priority but it doesn’t always feel as in our face as it once did. We’ve also slid back from attending events and cons.

But what if we view this as a fallow period? A time for the dynamic to breathe and grow and not get worked on constantly? If my creativity can have fallow periods, why can’t M/s?

My desire to write and do art has returned tenfold this past month. I’ve written 25K on a novel I’ve been picking at for 5 years. I’ve built a diorama and started playing with customizing a barn. I’ve already read 4 books.

The fallow period was tedious, difficult to endure at times, but the payoff has been incredible.

I have little doubt the M/s will be the same.

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