Welcome to BDSM Basics where we explore some of the building blocks of BDSM. In this article, we’re going to talk about tasks, protocols, and rituals in power exchange dynamics.
Task? Protocol? Ritual? What’s the difference?
In our last BDSM Basics post, I briefly mentioned these three things as elements of power exchange. But let’s do a deep dive into what they are.
Task – assignments – tend to be one-off requests
Ritual – things you do – in particular, things you do to create a certain headspace, feel a certain way, or begin or end an event
Protocol – how you do the thing – protocols are your step-by-step rituals or guidelines for your dynamic
For example, a couple may have a ritual of putting on a special play collar before they play. The protocols may include the submissive must kneel in a special pose. Maybe they have a particular phrase to say. The things that the submissive and Dominant do are protocols that make up the ritual.
The Purpose of Tasks, Protocols, Rituals
You might be wondering what exactly the purpose of protocols or rituals is beyond creating a certain headspace or initiating some kind of event.
The purpose of the ritual is to create a feeling of purpose and intent and help both parties sink into the headspace that drives them.
The purpose of protocols is to help create mindfulness and bring people into the moment. They must pay attention to what they are doing and be present in the ritual and not distracted.
Tasks are little ways of providing different kinds of service to the Dominant. They show obedience, intelligence, willingness, and more.
All of these things add up to a way to reinforce the dynamic. If you’re assigned the task of taking a sexy selfie every morning and sending it to your Dominant, you’re experiencing enforcement of their desires and your obedience.
For many people, protocols, and rituals are how they experience their dynamic. Some couples are protocol-driven and use many kinds of protocols to shape their dynamic. These are sometimes called high-protocol relationships.
Developing Protocols and Rituals
Don’t worry, everyone new to power exchange has looked around at protocols and rituals and gone “How do I do that?!” They can seem overwhelming and complicated at first glance especially if you’re not around other people in dynamics and have no clue where to start.
First things first, I recommend starting small. Pick one or two rituals to do. Maybe examine your daily routine and see if you’re already incorporating one without meaning to. Add in some protocols to make it deliberate or special and voila! You have a ritual.
A lot of developing protocols and rituals is experimentation. It’s a matter of doing something for a while, deciding you don’t like parts of it, and changing those parts.
A great way to brainstorm possibilities is to read erotica. There are some great BDSM erotica out there that have sexy rituals or protocols in them.
Also, if you have access to power exchange people, talk to them! Find out what kinds of things they like to do.
Anything can become a ritual. Getting dressed, good morning and good night rituals, showers, sex, meals. Think of something you do together and decide how to formalize it and bring in that intention.
This Should Be Fun!
Make sure that you’re keeping things fun and enjoyable! Especially when your relationship is new and just starting. Don’t get caught up in what you think a “real” dynamic looks like – you’re in a real dynamic. You’re doing the thing! Be proud of that.
Everything about power exchange is customizable to you so don’t get caught up in what you think you should be doing.
If your ritual or protocol or tasks become a burden, stop doing them. Speak up, whether you’re the s-type or D-type. Have a conversation with your partner about why you’re not enjoying something anymore.
Think about what sounds hot or pleasurable. What sounds pleasing to you? What sounds like it would be fun? What sounds like it would ground you, and make you feel the connection of the dynamic?
In the end…
At the end of the day, you don’t have to have a single protocol, ritual, or assigned task to be in a happy dynamic. Whatever shape your relationship takes is up to you and your partner. Enjoy being together and don’t worry about what other people are doing.
Experiment, try new things, and don’t be afraid to trash things that aren’t working. Don’t pressure yourself to be high protocol 6 months into a relationship. Have fun exploring things together and learning what makes each of you feel good and in your happy space.
A Few Examples
Ritual: The s-type greets the D-type at the door when they come home.
Protocols: The s-type must be naked and kneeling in a specific spot with their eyes down when the D-type comes into the house. They are not to speak until they are given permission.
Ritual: Make a cup of tea and serve it at 4 pm every workday.
Protocols: Brew the tea to a specific temperature. Add a specific amount of sugar and cream. Use a specific cup. Hold the cup in a certain way and kneel when presenting it to the D-type.
Ritual: The play space is prepared and check-in is done before play.
Protocols: The s-type sets out toys as directed and ensures everything is clean and in good order. They undress and kneel next to the spanking bench with their cuffs in their hands. The D-type accepts the cuffs and asks a few questions while putting the cuffs on. Play begins.
Rituals and protocols don’t have to be complicated. You might actually be doing some of these things without realizing it!
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[…] are the lifeblood of the dynamic in many ways. They’re things that we do to help bring about a certain headspace or feeling. I’ve seen rituals range from coffee service in the morning to greeting Master at […]