Does a submissive have certain behaviors? Do submissives do specific tasks? When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?
submission || noun ||the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person
submissive || adjective ||ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive
Just like I said in my dominance post, the ideas I hold about submission, obedience, slavehood, etc, have changed and evolved over the years. I’ve landed in a place where I see similar traits in submissive folks but have long moved past the idea of a submissive needing to be a certain way to be submissive.
I don’t want to be writing an essay here (I have a LOT of feelings about submission, imagine that) but I’ve roughly nailed down that submissives are folks who want to give some amount of power away to others and how they do that is negotiated into those relationships. Submissives seek power and/or authority exchange. They hold the desire to give up these things to another person.
I think of submission as a service because that’s where my submission sits. Serving my dominant include things like household management, keeping up with my studies, informing him of anything that may affect our relationship, etc. Doing various tasks that increase and enforce my dominant’s will over myself and our relationship. I know others see submission as bottoming for play that may not enjoy but their Dom does, performing sexual activities, organizing dinner events, studying alcohol and cigar pairings, etc. The range of “tasks” a submissive can do is extremely wide and I think it’s another thing that gets tailored to a specific relationship.
When I think of a submissive and submission, I think of kneeling and rituals and protocols. I think of folks who shine the most at a whispered phrase of “good girl”. I think of the desire to give yourself to another and the best way to do that is to lean into their will, to obey them without question. I think of how difficult it is to do that, how we question ourselves, question if we’re real submissives, real slaves. I think of dominants who fuck us over and take advantage of the new and naive that think submission is solely about sex and play. I think of submissives who collar themselves to find healing and those who move away from it entirely for a time. I think of submissives who are strong powerful people who get mistaken for tops because they voice their opinion. I think of submissives I admire deeply and try to emulate in my actions. I think of the work it takes to be a submissive and that it isn’t always the fun and games we think it is. I think of how joyful and heart-fulfilling it is to complete a task. I think of how nuanced and slippery these definitions can be to nail down.
